Crashing

Have you ever had the pleasure of watching a mirror break? Or have you ever been so fucking mad that you broke a mirror? If you have, then I hope you aren't still mired in the seven years of bad luck that is supposed to "come with" such an event. I haven't broken any mirrors in a blind rage lately, but I have seen someone I know begin to resemble one. Watching this person over the last 6 months or so has been like watching a mirror SLOWLY breaking. First, a few cracks appear, nothing major just a couple of hairline faults along the edges, just a "bad day" or "not enough sleep" easy enough to overlook, and hopefully easy enough to fix. Though people aren't as easily fixed as mirrors, there is no equivalent to the "glass repairman" for people as far as I know. Maybe those cracks do eventually go away, or self repair for some people, however not for the person I know. They soon spread out from the center, got wider, and deeper, and it became ugly to watch. I can only imagine how horrible it was to feel. Must be a bit like Humpty Dumpty seeing those first cracks appear on his shell, and having that horrible feeling that shit is about to break bad. From the outside it was awful, from the inside, I would think, it would be terrifying.

But, what can we do? The people outside aren't really "set up" for these kinds of problems, and we have our own problems to try to solve. The person "inside" (as it were) must feel totally helpless. Of course, that is assuming they realize that they are cracking up, and want to try and prevent it. Maybe they don't realize the extent of the fissures, or don't care. Maybe cracking up, and being sent off to a rest cure is exactly the angle they are playing. Even if a person possess the self awareness to realize they are cracking up (which I would think would be a rarity), what steps can they take to prevent it? Can you go to your pals, and say "sorry to bother you old bean, but I think I am losing the plot."? Even if they believe you, and there might be no reason why they shouldn't, how are they, or how can they help.

Once those cracks reach a certain depth or width, the integrity of the whole mirror becomes compromised. Then, all bets are off, and it becomes every man for himself. The shattering is inevitable, and all we can do now is try to avoid being cut. That is when the helpless feeling reaches its peak. I mean what the fuck can we or they do? The warning signs were there, and they were duly ignored. Now, we are seconds from disaster, and have only our stupid pride to blame. Pride that we, educated people that we are, can surely prevent this shattering from taking place if only we apply ourselves. That is foolish pride, this shattering, this "falling off the wall" is as certain as the sun's rise in the morning, and we are irresponsible idiots for thinking otherwise.

Once a mirror shatters it is a bit like Humpty Dumpty, i.e. "all the king's horses, and all the king's men" aren't going to be able to put it together again. And do we have a duty to try? I'm not a horse, and I am certainly no "king's man", so where does my loyalty lie? It is with my, now crocked, friend, or is it to the greater good (whatever the hell that means), or is it to myself? I would figure most of us would provide one of those three answers, but which one? If we decided on the greater good, and we try to pick up the pieces, then what do we do with them? They certainly aren't going to go back into the same shape they were before, and how can we be sure we found them all? Even if we put it together into something reasonably close to what we had before, how can we ever look into that mirror again without flinching just a bit, and wondering is it going to break again?