Thursday, February 15, 2007


This little tale is a short peek into my so-called professional life. I often tell people that I see stuff that you could not make up because no one would believe it was true. I think this story falls into that category. Remember kids, names are changed to protect the foolish, and do not try this at home. Our story starts months ago when our anti-hero Frank allegedly commits a crime. Frank is convinced he is not guilty, and demands a trial before a jury of his peers. This is when our hero i.e. ME enters the story. I wasn't as convinced that Frank was not guilty, and was more than happen to allow him to move his case forward towards jury trial. I would not be the one handling it, so what did I care. Perhaps my boon companion Sneaky Pete would. Either way Frank changes his mind about the allure of a jury trial. Needless to say a chance to slough off my work on someone else has been denied, and it is all Frank's fault. So, I react with my usually calm demeanor and tell Frank's attorney to tell Frank to screw himself. Lots of wailing and gnashing of teeth later. Frank's attorney and I work out a settlement that requires Frank to go to a counseling center before entering his (now)guilty plea. Frank misses appointment one, causing my neck veins to bulge, but being a soft touch I allow Frank to try again. Now this is the part I could not make up. Frank was due in court today after making his appointment. Imagine my surprise when I found out that Frankie poo had missed his appointment a second time. As I contemplated bringing the pain to Frank and his world his attorney told me his "excuse", and it was a whopper.
It seems Frank had in fact committed another petty crime in another local jurisdiction, and been in jail for about the last two weeks. His crime was not anything that would warrant a two week jail sentence, so I was already starting to chuckle about Frank's lack of luck when the story gets much worse (for Frank that is). It seems that near the end of his sentence the cowboys in the jail he was serving his time checked Frank's life out. They found what they believed to be a warrant out for his arrest in a town near Nashville, TN. It seems a fellow with the same last name but with a slightly different first name Franck had a warrant. Being the brilliant lawmen they were, the police sent Frank away to this small town about 3 hours away to "sort it all out." Here is the good part, it seems the warrant was NOT for Frank after all but for someone else (duh no kidding DIFFERENT first name). Frank was released by the police of this small town when this mistake was cleared up. One small problem, Frank was, and still is it seems, 3 long hours from home with no money, no car, and not knowing anyone in town. His family has had to pass the hat around to send Frank bus fare home, and he had not made it back in time for his court appearance today, and had missed his second appointment. After wiping away the tears, and being shushed for the wild peals of my laughter ringing out in the court room. I graciously granted Frank's attorney's request for another reset date. Stating that a story like that is too wild to be a lie, but admonishing Frank's attorney that the only excuse I will accept for his next failure to appear for his court date and/or counseling appointment is that Frank has been abducted by aliens, and anally probed. I also requested that the results of the probe be attached to any document Frank's attorney would like to file on his behalf. This is a typical day in my life, too funny for words eh?

Saturday, February 03, 2007


Winter is my favourite season. I like the cold (once I get used to it). I like to see the trees naked as it were stripped of their leaves and standing forlornly in the cold winter air. Winter give me hope. Hope that even though the streets are dark and folding out mysteriously one day they will be brighter and warmer. It is kind of a negative hope I suppose. Hope that winter is here so therefore spring is sure to follow. Besides we need to hold onto hope, who knows when it might be the last thing we have. There is a great beauty in desolation, you just have to look for it a little harder, and things that are harder to find are all the more beautiful for the effort you put forth in finding them. Of course winter can be a harsh mistress, mistakes made in winter have a tendency to hurt a little more. The cold will do that to you. It will make things sting a little more than usual. Pain felt in winter is some serious stuff. Studies prove that nice weather i.e. lovely spring days put people in a better mood. That rarely happens in winter. Winter is mature. A serious season for serious things to happen. Winter makes you walk a very thin line. Makes you wonder if you are right or not. Leaves you thinking it is a long, cold, lonely walk back to the car or the apartment. Winter makes you want to climb out of life so boring and take the time to make other people's heart your home. Gasping for air, and seeing your breathe. Winter is a delicate balance vulnerable, sad, delicate, and all knowing.