Architect

For once in my useless life I have actually managed to produce what I think to be an original quote. It is a rather long story how it came about, but the quote itself is "I would at least like to be the architect of my own downfall." Clever isn't it? I know it isn't exactly original, but it is probably as close as I am ever going to get. Of course, the more I think about it I am certain that I stole it from some movie, and I just can not remember which one.

Where ever the quote came from, it doesn't change the overall idea. It is about control, control of you own destiny. Maybe, if you are lucky, or super important, you might have the luxury of someone who is plotting your downfall. I would think few of us are so fortunate, but the number might be higher than I suspect. Maybe there are a lot of people plotting someones little downfall, some petty bullshit at work, or maybe some jealous lover plotting some silly little revenge. I doubt that many of us have some plotting our utter downfall. Perhaps it is just too much work, or maybe we just aren't worth all the trouble. Though for some of us it might not be too much trouble to achieve.

The thing is, that I don't want someone else being the architect of my downfall. It's not that I don't think they could do an excellent job of accomplishing my demise, it is that I just don't want to give that kind of control/power to anyone else. After all, that is a lot of power to surrender to someone, and it may be that we are not surrendering the power it is that the other person is taking it. Either way, it just does not sound like a pleasant experience.

The theory is that if I manage to achieve my own downfall, then at least I have no one else to blame, and I should be able to go back, and think to myself "there, there was the moment when it all started going pear shaped." If only I had not done "X". I would have been in good shape, and not the derelict of a human being you see in front of you today. Of course, that hindsight shit is 20/20, and I would think very few of us take the decision that leads to our downfall without pause. Reckless abandon is not something with which you should approach your downfall. Then again, if you consider your downfall with some sort of deep thought isn't that a bit like suicide? Aren't you saying (on some level) "I know this will be a disaster for me, but I just don't give a shit, goddammit."

Then again, at least you are able to "own" your downfall, and once it occurs you will probably own precious little else. So perhaps the ability to take solace in the fact that you know exactly what you did to deserve this will help keep you warm as you lean against the loneliest lamp post any clown (like yourself) has ever leaned against. As you stand there in the apocalypse that you created of your life, maybe that will be the only thing left to cling to that in spite of all of the warnings you were given, and blithely ignored, you were the architect of your own downfall.