Thursday, July 28, 2011


I am right handed. Born that way, raised that way, will be that way until I die. Sadly my paterfamilias did not realize the potential in having a left handed son that he could turn into a relief pitcher and secure his family's finances for years to come.  I do realize this clever niche market, but since I am legally bound not to procreate, I am going to have to find a stand in child upon which I can make my retirement fund. 

Other than left handed pitchers, or left foot wingers, I would suspect that being left handed in a world made for right handers must suck ass.  About 10% of the world's population is left handed, and I would imagine the other 90% of us (including me) lord over that minority as much as possible. Right handed desks ensure that even as children left handed people are singled out for maltreatment. Kids are cruel, cruel things, and anything one kid does that is different is sure to get them held up as an object of ridicule.

Plus, they get hosed by the word itself, the Latin word sinistra originally meant 'left' but has since changed meaning into sinister or evil. Gauche the French word for left, can mean someone who is socially awkward. Give these poor lefties a break for fuck sake. Since I love to be contrary, and I figure left handers need all the help they can get, I sometimes do things with my left hand in a bit of social protest. When I am playing darts particularly badly with my right hand (which happens quite often), I will switch to my left hand because I can only get better. There are a couple of video games that I now play better left handed than I do right handed.  I drive left handed, and I have attempted to write things left hand with very little success. 

There is an awesome scene in 'The Princess Bride' where Wesley engages in a sword fight with Indigo going back and forth both showing amazing skill. At first, Wesley is using his left hand, and the moment, after being asked by Indigo, why are you smiling, he replies "because I know something you don't know. .  . I'm not left handed' is beyond cool. All this to say that being left hand can be a bitch, but it can also be something that sets you apart, and that you can, if you are clever enough, use to your advantage. Also, after years and years of trying I finally, last evening managed to do something left handed that I had never thought I could.  I will leave it up to your imagination as to what that task was, all I will say is that it made me very happy, then I fell asleep.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Nasty....Just nasty!!!! The part at the end that is.