Monday, December 11, 2006


They say timing is everything. Well I do not know who "they" are, but I certainly am not on board with that rule. I have impeccably bad timing. Now this is not a serious problem it is not like my bad timing affects the life or death of anyone or thing. It is just a simple fact. The major problem with my bad timing is simple. I (meaning my physical presence) simply tries to be in the same spot as something/someone else pretty much all the time. As you know this just simply cannot be; two things cannot occupy the same spot at the same time. However, someone needs to tell the rest of the world that. It does not matter what I am trying to do or when I am trying to do it. There will be SOMEONE else right there at the exact same time, attempting to do the exact SAMETHING. I could be trying to buy pickles in Louisville, Mississippi at 3 a.m. and lo! and behold! There would be at least one other person standing right there in the pickle aisle slowly trying to comprehend why in the world there they are there, and why there are so very many brands of pickles to chose from. All the while, there I am trapped behind this damn fool muttering foul words under my breath. You see if I could just get around you my pickle choice will only take about three seconds. This gift/curse is amazing. I can and have actually demostrated it upon demand. I pick a random place to walk into, and tell my amazed audience to watch and wait for that person who just suddenly has to be in the doorway of the room I am trying to enter, and are utterly befuddled as to why they are there, but they are certain it will come to them if they just stand in the doorway for a few more minutes. I only wish that somehow, someway I could profit from this curse/gift. I really think that one day I will suceed, and occupy the same place as something or someone else, and Newton's idea will be blown to hell. Stay tuned for a rip in the fabric of the universe

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