Ancestors

 This project has over the many years it has polluted the interwebs with its content has ancestors. There are long, long dead writers who drive me to do this. It is both an attempt at a homage, and an attempt to try to emulate them that this blog exists. The standards they set are unreasonably high, and someone with as little talent as me have no way of reaching them. It's not my fault that Krudy wrote prefect prose at a rate of 17 pages a day while shit housed. I can't compare to the prose of Joseph Roth who was also piss drunk most of his life, such a famous drunk that there is a hotel in Austria that still has an open tab for him, and he died in 1939. Sure you've got your easy drunks to follow like Hemingway or Dylan Thomas, but their path is just that theirs. Our path, my path is different in spite of my attempts to replicate theirs.

These ancestors, these influences, these literary fathers and grandfathers had their own set of circumstances that allowed them to put pen to paper. This is the 21st century and I have to contend with a lot more distractions, a lot more time sinks than they did, and clearly I am not doing a good job of avoiding them. It is exactly one person's fault. Mine and mine alone. I attempt to walk in their written footsteps the best I can, and I generally fail. I wonder if they had the same issues with writers who came before them, or did they just have the courage of their convictions, and realized they had talent that could not be denied or ignored. 

Several of these ancestors knew each other, some even exchanged letters. One of them would even admit that another one of them was twice the writer he was. Both of them were ten times the writer I am, and I am using the term writer very broadly. My ancestors are like Roman emperors, and how the fuck are you going to compete with fucking Emperors. I am not born or called to the purple. I don't know any actual writers, and given today's version of them, I am not sure that is a bad thing. I want to sit down with the Krudy's the Baudelaire's, the Zweig's of the world and ask them how it works for them. 

How do the words come? Do they pound on your consciousness like the NKVD on a suspected enemy of the state's door at 3 am? Do they slide out of you like a river that can't be damned? Do they have to be pulled like a bad tooth? Or do they just happen like a summer thunderstorm, something that can't be stopped? All of these I have experienced. I have rolled out of bed at 3 am to write something down that wouldn't let me sleep, I have tried to plan stories that makes some sort of logical sense, and I have just sat down drunk and wrote what came to mind. 

I claim the literary ancestor to this blog is Dostoevsky, and back at the start that was true. While he still looms over these pages like a vulture on a telephone wire, I am more and more convinced that he would not approve of where my writing has taken me. He's still there, he's just not on the path I want to tread, I mean for fuck's sake read him, then read me, we have little in comment. He had talent, I don't. But I try, and maybe in that trying I say a few things worth remembering. I certainly how so, or else why would I be driven back to the keyboard over and over again?

All of these rambling is to say the reason I hesitate to write (other than pure laziness) is the standards I see, I can not meet. And I doubt Krudy had grammar Nazis to contend with, and even if he did, he was too drunk to care. Perhaps drunk is the way to write. Hemingway did tell us to write drunk and edit sober, but who wants to be Hemingway? After all he put a shotgun to his face and blew his brains out. If you were to look closely at the writers I try to emulate you might find a common theme, and it has nothing to do with the written word.