These are the "nothing" days. The days of the summer season that require more effort to breath that should be necessary, and not melting in the sun is the only achievement worthy of note for months on end. This fair city, which truth be told, isn't much of a city, and certainly isn't fair, becomes more like an oven and its fair citizens (also not many of them are fair) just try to avoid getting overheated beyond the point of exhaustion. Nothing really moves more than is necessary in this heat, and not a lot of things worth writing down happen. Hence, the silence of the last two months. It doesn't exactly excuse my laziness, but it's all I got.
Sully's was hot, but you couldn't hold that against Sully it was hot everywhere, and was going to stay that way for far too long for any of our tastes, but welcome to summer the season that the Devil created just to give you a taste of what was ahead of you for all time if you didn't change your ways. I was not in the mood to change my ways, and was considering sending someone to hell to give the Devil something to do, when in walked David the Liar. This was only noteworthy because we hadn't seen David the Liar around since his "friend" Mac the Knife committed "suicide" a few months back, and most of us had assumed that David the Liar went back to wherever the fuck he was from to grieve, and maybe find a new set of people to lie to. This was a good thing because I had a particular bone to pick with David the Liar, and had figured that it was going to remained unpicked since he had seemingly disappeared, and yet here he was in the flesh, and even better (since it didn't require me getting up and moving in the heat) he was walking towards me. I suppose that sometimes patience (or laziness call it what you will) is a virtue.
"Hello David, How's the lying business treating you?" I said as he slid into the side opposite me in my usual booth. "Haven't seen you in a dog's age, you been out practicing your lies on some new group of shills? And forgetting your friends." He snorted what seemed to be a laugh "you and your lot are several things, most of them bad, but you are not, and never have been my friends. I had one of those and we both know what happened to him don't we?" This last part was said with a meaning that I wasn't quite sure of. I had told David a lie, I mean after all lie to liars right? It was about the demise of Mac the Knife, and for his sake, I had hoped David believed it. The look on his face told me otherwise. "Yes" I replied "I suppose we do, pity that, Mac wasn't a bad fellow as long as you didn't set the "good fellow" bar too high." David the Liar gave me another look that didn't convince me that I had convinced him, and I figured it was time to buy him a beer, because I had no doubt that wherever he had been it was not at a job that earned him actual money, and he was, as he always is fucking broke. "Let me buy you a beer David old boy, because we do in actual fact have something to discuss." I waved the latest barmaid over, she is a ginger Sully hires all types it seems, but she looked suspiciously like the blonde from a couple of months ago, maybe it was her sister? I didn't feel the need to ask. Sometimes the less you know the better. "Two pints of Sully's finest swill for me and my mate here if you please, my good lass." I said with some relish. I had been looking for David the Liar, but as some people will tell you, I am a follower, not a finder, and had had no luck in my search. The barmaid nodded in a way that made me think she knew something I didn't and promptly came back with two pints of piss for me and David the Liar to catch up over.
"David, I've a bone to pick with you, and depending on your answer to my query, someone a lot less gentlemanly than I might have one to do more to that pick, so try to pay attention, and save your lies to the end if you can." He nodded his assent and took a drink of his (free) beer. "I recently found out, almost to my detriment, that you David the godsdamn Liar, told me the fucking truth about something. Now why would you do such a crazy thing?" I raised a hand before he could answer. "No, no let me continue setting the stage for you, then you can stride out and make your declamation of truth for me to disbelieve. You see David the problem with your lying all the time is simple. Once we figured out that you lie all the damn time, and we can't believe a word that comes out of your mouth. We stop fully processing your lies. By that I mean that we still listen to them, I mean some of them are quite entertaining, and sometimes even worth repeating to the right group of people, but we don't fully process them. We don't store them away in our memory because we know they aren't true, and that tomorrow you will have a new set of lies for us to hear, and why not just start afresh?" He barked a short laugh at this and said "thanks GI, glad to know that I am so predictable to you."
"All of us are predictable David, if you pay enough attention, and in this heat paying attention is about the only activity that won't result in heatstroke, so I pay attention. It gives me something to do while I watch my ponies finish last more than first. But you decided to ruin my racing form profile that I've compiled on you, by telling me the truth about something. It was quite disconcerting to find out, and the way I found out almost gave me a fatal case of lead poisoning if you catch my meaning. I am sure by now you've figured out what I am talking about, after all you tell the truth so rarely that remembering the two times you've done it in your life shouldn't be too difficult. You see when you lie David, which for you is when you talk, we know you're lying and we can trust that. It's a bit of a negative trust, but it is trust nonetheless. We don't try to shift your lies, we don't try to figure out if we can or should believe all of what you are saying, or part of what you are saying, we don't go back and rethink what you've said to try to give it a different or deeper meaning. We don't lie awake at night and try to wonder if we believe you or not. Because we don't. You're David the Liar, not David the sometime Liar, sometime honest lad, and we have come to rely on that. Maybe we are just being lazy, and giving you too much credit (or blame) we don't wonder about your tales, and therefore we don't commit them to our long term memory. I guess this is very helpful to and for you. After all, you can tell us the same lie over again, and just start it with "remember the other day when we talked about this" We will nod our assent because why wouldn't we? We don't want to look stupid or forgetful, and we want to appear like we're paying attention even if we aren't. After you say that you could launch into whatever story you like and we will listen, and convince ourselves that sure we have talked about this before, and you are just reminding us to be helpful. But you're not being helpful (at least to us, it's helpful to you I suppose) you're just lying, it is what you do, and you do a fairly good job of it. So you could imagine my shock when I found out that you had told me the truth. Couldn't knocked me over with a feather. Problem was the fellow knocking me over wasn't using a feather."
David looked up from his beer and winced. "Took a beating did you?" I nodded "Not the worst one I've ever had, but a beating is rarely a pleasant experience, and the goon giving it to me neglected to tell me the safe word to make it stop, so it didn't until he got tired of using me as an alternative bit of exercise equipment." David winced again, and muttered "I'm sorry GI, I mean I told you the truth about that issue because you helped me with Mac the Knife, and because you lied to me about it." I arched an eyebrow at that but he kept on talking. "I know Mac didn't off himself GI and you know it too. In fact you knew it when you told me that little tale about him, and you lied to me anyway. It was an odd feeling hearing you lie and knowing you were lying. Don't get me wrong I don't think you and the truth are exactly fast friends, but you try to be honest until it doesn't suit your purposes, then you lie. You're decent at it, but you aren't "GI the Liar."" He laughed at his own little joke and continued. "I figured that since you were going to take on the role of lying, that I would try to see what this 'telling the truth for a change' idea felt like, and so I told you truth about X. To my credit I did tell you that I wasn't giving you the "facts as I know them" just that I was telling you the truth. I understand why you didn't believe me, but at the end of the day what else could I do? Call in a priest and swear to his god that I don't believe in that I am giving you the straight dope? No I just told you the truth, told you I was telling you the truth, and hoped you, for once, believed me. It is a pity you didn't but the beating you took might have been meant for me, so I'm not overly sorry that you took it."
"Fair enough David, but that makes going forward a bit difficult. If I can't trust David the Liar to lie to me then what the actual fuck can I trust? You see my point? I can trust Felix to on occasion have me beaten up because it pleases him, but he won't let Mutt and Jeff go too far and actually kill me, he needs me around for whatever dark purpose he's playing at. I can trust Sully to serve me horse piss in a pint glass and call it "world class lager, fit for the gods." And I can trust Bob the Viking to say as few words as possible. We all have roles in this passion play David, and when you start going "off script" it confuses people, and leads to all sorts of unintended things happening. Now as long as they don't happen to me, I could care less, but this did happen to me, and I am a might bit upset at the situation. But I understand I can't change you David, and short of beating the piss out of you, which does have it's appeal, don't get me wrong, what I feel I need to do is change a bit of myself. It's not a fun thing to admit that one was wrong, and to try to change themselves, but that seems to be what is called for in this particular situation. I suppose I will have to start paying attention to, and remembering your lies so I can eventually sort them out for myself. It seems a lot of work, for what also seems to promise little reward, but I can see no other way forward." I finished my beer and gave David what I hoped was a stern look, but I figured it was pointless, more and more of my conversations seem to be pointless now days, and I was tired. Tired of David the Liar and his lies or his truths. I didn't know which, and I was just about too drunk enough to care.
"However David, I am just about too drunk enough to care about any of this, and am going home to bed, alone which is a pity." I cast a quick glance at the ginger barmaid leaning against the bar chatting it up with Sully. What was his appeal? "Either way David, have another drink on me." I slid enough coin for David to have several drinks on me across the table, and got to my feet. "Just remember this David, now you've got my undivided attention, and that isn't always as pleasant as it sounds."
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