"Hello, Sully, how are tricks?" I asked my sullen barkeep and sometime "friend" as he slid one of his "finest" across the bar towards me. It was a boring Tuesday, and since I was tired of being bored at home, I decided to come to Sully and at least be bored and drunk at the same time. My mistake. Sully cocked an eye at me and replied "tricks are the same GI, you slobs come in here, and moan a lot, drink a lot, and then tip even less. However, David the Liar" he nodded over in the general direction of "my" booth, "is looking for you for some reason. God only knows why anyone would look for you, and I pity him now that he has found you." I followed Sully's eye and noticed David the Liar nervously occupying my booth. When you tell as many lies as David, nervous is your default setting. It pays to sprinkle the occasional truth amongst your lies, that way you can be less nervous. It seems David never learned that lesson, or he just chose to ignore it, and let the dice fly high. "He doesn't look any more nervous than normal" I said inclining my head in David's direction. "But, I am bored, it's Tuesday, and I am not even drunk yet, so I guess I might as well wander over there and see what the bastard wants of me." Sully nodded, grunted, and went back to polishing his glasses, when Sully polishes his glasses it is a sign that his part of the "conversation" has reached its conclusion, and you can fuck right on off. Knowing this, I decided to fuck right on off over to my booth.
I slid into my booth and slid the untouched beer I had got at the bar across to David, knowing that, as per custom, he was fucking broke. David the Liar is always fucking broke. "Hello, David. How's the lying business treating you. Still telling elderly widows they are the light of your life, and convincing them to put you in their wills? Or charming bored housewives out of a large part of their husband who doesn't love them anymore salaries?" David glanced up from his (free) beer, and that's when I noticed that the bastard appeared to have been crying. "Christ, David are you fucking crying? Here, in Sully's? Do you want a beating? They beat people in here for showing that kind of weakness on general principle. I'll be lucky not to take a beating just for sitting across from you. For the love of fuck, pull it together. It's a boring Tuesday, but I don't want to liven it up by getting taken out back and having my ribs used as a xylophone by some masher that saw you crying" He sniffled a little more, wiped his eyes, and muttered "sorry GI, but it's been a rough couple of days." I nodded "it's been a rough year or so David, for all of us, but have the decency to cry in private, or if you have to do it publicly find a bathroom stall where you can close the door at least. Anyway what is the rumpus that has you crying like a schoolgirl on a boring Tuesday?"
"It's Mac, no one has seen him in four days, and I am very worried something untoward has happened to him. I'm even more worried that what has happened to him might happen to me, depending on what it was that happened." I nodded Mac and David were "special" friends, and he was probably right to be concerned on both counts. I said "Mac the Knife?" He hated that nickname but, it fit him perfectly he was very fond of knives, saying that knifing a man was the "more polite way to do things, you have to get up close to him, it shows you care, that you want to get all up close and personal with them. Guns are for people afraid to get their hands dirty (or bloody)." David nodded yes Mac the Knife, you know him, and you know what me and him are all about. I did, and do. David was the Liar, and Mac was the thief. It was a lovely combination, spreading two of the world's greatest sins out over two people instead of concentrating it into one complete bastard. This way you had two half bastards that weren't completely beyond redemption, or at least that was their theory. Mac and David had some very odd theories, and it was generally best not to explore them too deeply, lest you end up in a line up with them being asked none too politely to "turn to the left, now turn to the right."
"I know this is a silly question, but have you asked Felix or his goons if they have seen Mac?" He snorted "that is a very silly question GI, you know we don't all have the cat/cat relationship that you and Felix have, to the rest of us, Felix is the cat, and we are the mice. I don't know what you "have on" Felix that has him suffering to keep you alive, and not locked in a cage where you belong, but the rest of us try to give Felix, and his goons, as wide a berth as possible." I laughed "fair enough David, but not much in this town happens without Felix knowing about it, doing it, or have it done on his behalf. It was just an idea to solve your little mystery and to get your crying ass out of my hair. I said I was bored, but this isn't the entertainment I had planned, if you catch my drift." He nodded, and follow my glance at the newest of Sully's blond barmaids. "I get it GI, you have your amusements, and they are generally all that matters to you, but to us humans, which I am not sure you are one, there are more important things than a roll in the hay with the new help." I had the decency to look hurt "now David that was unkind, she's a lovely lass, and a lot smarter than she looks." He laughed "by the looks of her, I would hope so, but I doubt it's her mind that has you here drinking beer on a Tuesday. But, can we focus for a bit on Mac? He wasn't your buddy I know, but you two seemed to get along well enough, or at least as well as anyone can get along with you."
"Mac didn't hold a special place in my heart, no." He winced at my use of the past tense, but I figured that David had already spun out a scenario in which the worst news was the only news he was likely to get. "What was Mac the Knife up to the last time you had dealings with him?" "He was doing a tail job on some woman for a doubting Thomas of a husband." I winced "a good way to find yourself in more trouble than you need. I am sure the husband already knew the wife had declared their relationship to be "open" before he hired Mac?" David nodded "seems right, I think hubby just wanted to know who the fellow was, not if he existed, he had sorted the existence part out already. Mac said that the husband just wanted to know "if he knew the bastard that was two timing him with his wife, or if it was a stranger. I guess it made some sort of difference to him. I don't pretend to know why."
Mac was good at tailing people, even though I had told him it was going to end in tears one day, he persisted saying "a girl's got to pay the rent GI, and I like to play the ponies on occasion, and I like to eat even more often." Fair enough I guess. Mac's skill was that he was as grey as a mouse. If you spent five whole minutes looking at him, and were to be asked an hour later to describe him, you probably would be the despair of the officer asking you the question. Tall? Maybe medium height, maybe a bit on the short side. Fat? No, I don't think so, too thin perhaps? Eyes, yes he had two of them, but I've no idea what colour they were. Hair? a shade of blond? brown? not red at least. Mac was just there like the coat rack in the corner that no one pays any attention to, even when they are putting their coats on it daily. For all my dislike of the way "he paid the rent" it was difficult not to like Mac. He was a personable fellow that didn't talk to much, and unlike his partner, he told the truth at least half the time. The trick was figuring out which half, but for those of us who pay attention (and I do pay attention) he had a tic that allowed us to know when he was lying. I doubt he had any idea, and I was never going to clue him into it. Turns out I wouldn't have the chance anyway. I knew this, and now it seemed that I was to have the "pleasure" of telling his best mate David the Liar.
I sighed, "four days usually isn't that bad of a sign on a domestic tail is it? Maybe the paramour took the wife out of town for a long weekend "to visit her sick auntie" and Mac decided to stay an extra day to enjoy the location attractions?" David shook his head. "No he told me when he left that he would be back that night, or the next morning at the latest." I guess there was no way around it, David was just a bit too upset to notice the "let it lie" signs I was giving him. "Okay, David here's the scene, they found Mac yesterday in an alley off of Water Street with a one bullet in his brain, or at least that is what they are saying. They are also saying it was suicide, claiming some note existed that no one has yet to produce, and that is the end of Mac the Knife." He looked stunned and stammered "b.b.but Mac didn't have any truck with GUNS, he's Mac the fucking Knife for the love of fuck! There is no way he would off himself at all, and certainly not with a gun. He could barely stand looking at them, and certainly wouldn't use one to kill himself." I put up a hand "settle down David there is a real need for you not to shout, look around the room." He stopped, and took a look noticing the fellow that I had already pegged as an "outpost" a large, hairy fellow that was straight out of central casting from the "goon who likes to break things" section.
I said, "his knives were missing, didn't have a single blade on him, or so they say. I find that odd because we all know that Mac the Knife didn't even go take a piss without a blade somewhere on his person." David nodded "this is wrong GI, wrong, wrong, wrong. Who did he piss off? Was the boy toy someone he didn't need to be following? Do you have any idea about this? Now would be a good time to tell me." I shook my head "no, David I don't have any idea, and even if I did, now would be the worst time to tell you ever. I just have the barest of details, and I doubt that I will get any more." He nodded, finished his pint, and left muttering that drinking alone was probably his best choice for the nonce. I paid his bill, and started my walk home. I didn't have it in me to tell him that besides the bullet in his brain, Mac had another one in his heart. I am no expert on suicide,but two bullets are rarely used especially in those two places, but as the saying goes lie to a liar for they are his coin.
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