Sunday, January 08, 2012

My Day

My desire to participate in this day died about ten minutes ago. Not that any of you lot care, but my phone will be off, I will not check either email, or facebook, and if you try to come to my house and knock on my door, it will be to your cost.  I am quite sure that before any of you read this post, if any of you read it at all, none of you had even one little thought about me anyway. Therefore, my checking out of the events of the day, or the day itself will have little to no effect upon you.

There was no Kierkegaadian type earthquake that tripped my desire to suspend my participation in this day, and even if there was, it isn't anyone's business but my own. I try to accomplish two things on a daily basis, mind my own business, and not put my business too far out into the public view. I try to mind my own business because it is my business, and not anybody else's.  It is (at least I hope so) unique business to me, and if I want anyone to know about it, I will tell them myself. Which leads to the second thing I try to accomplish, keeping my business from becoming too public. A trifle more trickier than it seems, because people love to mind other people's business (myself, to my shame, included).

The truth of the matter is that I realize that the day, just like every other day, will sail along quite smoothly, maybe even more smoothly, without my participation. There are just over 7 billion people on this rock at the moment, and the loss of one person's interest in the day, will make not one fuck to the either day or the rest of those 7 billion (minus one) people.  In fact, though I hope it isn't true, my non-participation in this day might either make the day go by better, faster, and happier for a certain number of people. If that is the case, and as I said I hope it isn't but suspect it is, then well my participation in any number of days probably needs to be rethought.

It is that rethink that I might indulge in while I am sitting in the coffin I call my apartment disconnected from the world in general, and the people who I normally interact with daily in particular. This isn't some sort of 'cry for help' I don't want your help even if you wanted to try to give me help. It is merely me checking out of the loop for a day to see if one, I can do it, and two, if it has any positive affect on me (and by extension others). Or, if that rethink starts to distress me over much, I might just fall asleep, and see if perhaps the dream world can conjure up a better day for me. The risk there is a nightmare but it is a risk I am willing to take, after all nightmares aren't real. This day is and has been so far, all too real.

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