Thursday, January 12, 2012

Bunny Hop

As I was taking a nice relaxing bath the other night burning one to make the day's stress disappear, a very loud, very insistent knock came upon my door. 'Damn and blast' I muttered, can't the world leave me alone long enough to get high in the bathtub? I am not an important person, and my presence is not really ever needed that often, but here it was at 5 in the afternoon, and some damn fool just wouldn't leave me in peace. I threw on a robe, and slightly dizzy, made my way to the front door. Now, I know that most of you, dear readers, will probably think I've gone mad when I tell what I saw but, I swear it was the truth.

On my doorstep, and it took a few rapid blinks of my eyes to confirm it, stood the fucking Easter Bunny! No shit! There he was in all of his glory, the fucking Easter Bunny, basket in hand waving at me as I opened the door to let him in. I really didn't know what else to do except let him in, after all there really doesn't seem to be a protocol for this sort of thing, and besides I had be led to believe that this guy/thing didn't exist. I was certainly going to let him in, and try to sort out this mystery myself. I could be famous, going down in history as the man who 're-discovered'/proved the existence of the Easter Bunny.

He wasn't as tall as Harvey the other 'fictional' bunny I had heard about, and he didn't say anything, he just bunny hopped into my living room, basket in hand, and gave me a stare that only a rabbit could get away with, it was a bit unnerving, and really fucking funny all at the same time. He seemed to know what he was doing as he hopped around on my fancy rug, and he placed his basket down on my coffee table, pulled out what I can only describe as the largest fucking egg I have ever seen, and placed it in my (suddenly) out stretched hands. 

He then shook his head very slowly, as if to say 'I know you didn't believe in me, and I know you probably don't deserve any of my gifts, but here I am to show you that sometimes non-belief doesn't matter. You can believe in what you want, it doesn't make me any less real. Yes, he was somehow able to convey all of that with a simple shake of his head. It was amazing, and a little humbling. He then wagged his finger at me as some sort of vague warning and hopped out of my door, slamming it ever so gently behind him.

As I stood there gawking like a country bumpkin who has traveled to Brooklyn to see 'this here bridge they keep trying to sell me', and clutching his egg like a rube, I couldn't help but notice, and be very upset as I looked down and noticed that the fucking Easter Bunny had tracked mud all over my rug, and that rug really tied together the room!

For the birthday girl, who gave me this idea, I hope it is a happy one, both your birthday, and the tone of which you've noticed is a bit bleak at times.

1 comment:

Cynnie said...

I think you just jumped the shark