Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Trained Professional(s)

I am a trained professional. Not particularly in the job I am presently holding down, but in other things. Perhaps one thing in particular. I am no Thierry Henry by any stretch of the imagination, but I am able to hold my own amongst other similarly professionals. Sometimes I even manage to be the last one standing. Sometimes not so much. The problem is that I expect a lot of others, and sometimes that leads to misunderstandings. My theory is that if I can do it, it can't be that difficult, and others should be able to do it as well. I guess that is unfair to both myself, and to the other people. I should probably realize that maybe I do have a modicum of talent that other people do not possess, and not expect so much from other people. That is a huge problem of mine. I have extremely high standards for certain things, and do not tolerate it well when people do not meet them. The hypocrisy of it all is that I seriously doubt that I would be able to meet my own standards. The nerve of me! How dare I set the bar so high (for other people) that I myself would not be able to clear it. It is not a pretty part of my overall makeup, and I am far from proud of it. However, it seems that I am unable to stop myself from doing it. I suppose that admitting you have a problem is the first step, but this is a deep rooted issue that I do not expect to conquer quickly. The sad part is that I have latterly been exposed to other, better trained, professionals in this particular field. It is not like I am the top of the pyramid. However, I hope that I did not turn in a performance that humiliated myself too much, and that is the problem I have. I expect a level of semi-competence, and when the other person does clear the first hurdle, I have little sympathy. The disappointment I feel is palpable, and I do not attempt to hide it. I am not especially good at verbalizing it, but it is like the 900 pound gorilla in the room, everyone knows it is there. I still have the occasional "off night" myself, but I try to limit the damage as much as possible by isolating myself as quickly as possible. Certainly no one, myself included, is prefect, but I try not to expect perfection. Just do what you are trained to do, what you say you can do, what people expect you do, and everything should be fine. No drama, no crying like a school girl, and no obviously stupid moves. Any "talent" that I posses can be attributed to the fact that I had some excellent teachers, and I paid attention to them when they taught. I was far from the star pupil, but I was at least able to learn enough to hold my own. I have no students, and I offer no teachings on how to "be like Mike." I just want a similar performance from other people to match my own. On the other hand, if I do detect that you are about to go off the rails as it were, and I offer my advice or opinion on how to steady the ship, please do not ignore my advice. That will just make me angry and sad. We all go around the twist from time to time, but for pity's sake if someone is tossing you a life jacket, or offering you advice on how to keep from sinking take it. Clearly, this is an issue that I have had in the past, and does not appear to be sorting itself out soon. However, perhaps this little post has helped put some perspective on the problem, and shone a little light on my own contribution to these train wrecks. Maybe next time every one will have those Windsor knots tied properly, and everything will come off perfectly.

1 comment:

Cynnie said...

tell me about your perfect world