Sully slide a pint across the bar to me and gave me a look that said "you're fucked mate." Sadly, I had seen that look before, and while I appreciated the pint I began to look around for its cause. It didn't take long for me to spot her, she had a way of standing out in a crowd. The problem was she knew it, and she liked the attention. It was both a reason to hate her and a reason to love her at the same time. Which, to my cost, I did. She waltzed into the place like she owned it, which I am sure she thought she did, and sat down on the stool next to me. My day had already been a bit shit, and seeing her was not an improvement. I didn't have the guts to tell her to fuck off, so here I was stuck with whatever awfulness she was bringing, but at least I had a full pint.
I was staring very intently at that pint when she sat down next to me. It wasn't like I could run away. I didn't have anywhere else to go, and even if I did she knew where I lived. "Hullo Shakespeare, how's tricks?' I sighed deeply, "tricks are the same as they as usual. Why do you ask? It is not like you give a shit, you are just here to torment me." She had the decency to pretend to care "of course I care Shakespeare, I wouldn't be here if I didn't."
"Does your husband know where you are?" She gave me a glare that would melt chocolate, "of course he doesn't you stupid bastard. Why would he? What I am supposed to tell him? See you later asshole, I am off to meet my drunk ass boyfriend?" I let out a small laugh, "well, while all of that is true, I suppose that it would be a particularly bad idea to tell him that." She nodded, "for once we agree on something outside the bedroom. It's a Xmas miracle." I took a long draught out of my pint, and said "there is only one small problem sweetie." She arched an eyebrow and replied "Just one? and what pray tell do you think that one small problem is?"
This was the moment that I had dreaded, the moment that led me to Sully's and to the multiple pints I had already consumed before she walked in. "Sweetie, you are by a considerable distance, the hottest woman who has ever occupied my time and my bed. You are, arguably the smartest woman I have ever met, but.." here I trailed off, I didn't know how to finish a sentence that made little sense to me and would make zero sense to her. "But what? I am both the hottest and smartest woman who has ever had the poor sense to occupy both your mind and your bed. A feat that, I might add, is a lot harder than one would think."
I nodded my head in agreement, "I don't disagree with you sweetie, the bed isn't that difficult to occupy, but the mind, well that is a different story. It is the actual problem that we have." She arched a perfect eyebrow, "what do you mean Shakespeare?' I sighed, "if only I was the wordsmith you wanted me to be. If I was, I would tell you how many times I pinched myself to make sure I am awake. To make sure that I have somehow convinced a smart, sexy woman like you to waste your time on me. But then I started thinking, and sadly it doesn't pay to be a thinking man."
I glanced over at her, the pain forming in her eyes made my resistance to her almost break. Thank fuck for pints. A long drink from my pint slowed the beating of my heart enough to keep me on point. I had to look her in the eyes and tell her it's over. "I can't be the man you need, and someday you'll realize that, and when you do, you will drop me like a hot rock. I know that you love me, but I think it's time I stop believing that matters in the long run. I will miss you. I will probably miss you for the rest of my life. In fact, I figure you will be the standard I use to judge the next one(s) in my life. I doubt they will thank you for it."
The look of disbelief on her face would have been priceless if I wasn't the one paying the "price." The concept that someone like me would tell someone like her to "fuck off" wasn't something that she could comprehend. I suppose I should have gloated in the "win" for loser men everywhere, but all I could do was feel empty. Eventually it hit home, and she said "you are breaking up with me? you ignorant, fat son of a bitch? You drunk good for nothing bastard. You are telling me that I am not enough for you.?"
I did my best, "I love you, but I hate you. I might be wrong, it might be that I hate myself for loving you, I just don't know. I doubt I will be better off with you. I wish I could bring myself to hate you, to somehow make you hate me, but I am just here as clueless as clueless can be. I wish I could tell you that I can not see the masterpiece in your eyes. I wish I could say that you haven't written words on my soul that I can't erase, but I can't. I can't tell you that there isn't a little piece of you in every thing I do. However, I have to tell you that all of that just isn't enough"
The look of puzzlement on her pretty face was priceless, but only for an instant. She shook her slowly, and quoted (unintentionally I think) Bugs Bunny, and said "you realize, of course, that this means war."
No comments:
Post a Comment