Heureuse

 We (the non royal we that is) are going to try a little something different in this post. It will probably fall to shit somewhere in the middle, like the majority of the things we write, but at least it will be a different kind of shit. Sometimes you have to try new things in order to realize the old thing was better for a reason. 

We are going to leave behind, for the nonce, the seedy little world that GI has been trying to navigate himself, and by extension ourselves, through without getting himself killed, or giving away too much of the actual truth. Today we leave behind Serge and his apples (that aren't really apples), Sully and his bar that sounds a real palace, Felix and his fanaticism, and any other "characters" that GI has, or might introduce us to that will make us wonder about his poor taste in relationships. They will return to foul the internet soon, but for now let's us talk about you, and the elusive idea of happiness. This is going to be difficult, so bear with me dear reader(s).

If you've been rotating on this planet, and by extension revolving around the class M star that is our Sun, for any length of time, more than likely someone, somewhere has told you something along the lines of "I just want you to be happy." If you are lucky they actually meant it, for some of us it was generally said as the person was making us decidedly unhappy, but that isn't the point of this ramble. I will try to stay focused. Happy is, from what we hear, a lovely thing to be. Birds sing louder and more melodiously, the sun is a little brighter, but not as hot, and grass is a lot greener, and doesn't make us break out into hives when we are happy. Things just taste, feel, smell, and look better when we are happy. They (whomever they are) tell us that happiness is contagious like the clap, though most of "them" don't use that analogy.  One other problem that "they" leave out when they make that statement is they don't tell you how to achieve this happiness that they seem to desperately want you to be. If you are a little chubby, there are loads of people both willing and able to help you with ideas about how to become less thick and more fit. If you have less than acute fashion sense, many people will give you "helpful" advice on how "not to dress like a homeless person." Many of life's problems are just a helpful agony column away from being solved, but happy, well happy is a tougher nut to crack. It involves a lot of variables that are quite beyond your control, or so you would think, and it depends on whether you think it is the type of feeling you have in the here and now, or the type that thinks it concerns your overall life quality.

Before we delve into that last idea, we have to take a bit of a detour, you were warned dear reader that things might fall to shit, and this might be where it happens. We need to discuss you for a minute. You, whoever you are, have probably been told that you are a unique, one of a kind, individual, and that it makes you "special" (the good kind of special not the sad kind of special), well we hate to break it to you, but that probably isn't true. You are one of around 7 billion people on the planet, and the idea that you are unique on the planet is unlikely. Depending on where you live, there are probably a lot of people in your city, county, state, province, region, or country. Then we start to talk continents, lots of people live on at least 6 of them. There are probably one or two of "yous" running amok in your country, probably 3 or 4 "yous" on the planet, and then we start to expand our horizons, I mean that's what horizons are for. 

We start with the easy expansion, science is pretty sure that Earth is the only planet with a "you" on it in this particular solar system. That's good, no version of you is rotting away in a prison on Mercury, or dying of radiation poisoning on Jupiter, sadly this also means that no "you" is emperor of a large chunk of Saturn. We continue our expansion to the Milky Way the barred spiral shaped galaxy which all the version of you inhabit. It's a monster to us, but fairly mundane in the universe of 'galaxies'. It contains about 100-400 billion stars, and about an equal number of planets. It is about 170,000 light years wide whatever the hell that means. A group of people way smarter than any version of you knows, have estimated that there are at least 30 "active, intelligent, communicating civilizations" in the Milky Way, we just can't figure out where exactly they are, and how to communicate with them, maybe they can't either, or have made contact with us, saw how shitty we run this planet and decided to bugger off without talking to us (can't says that we blame them). There are a whole lot of other mind boggling numbers that we could toss out here about the Milky Way that would make you feel even more small and insignificant, but we aren't here to do that, this is about happy. We leave our loving "little" Milky Way, and expand further to the universe. That monster of a Milky Way is but one galaxy in the universe which contains somewhere around 2 trillion galaxies, of which about 500 billion would be "Milky Ways." Ponder that for a second (we will wait), and think of the implications it has to "you" and your uniqueness.

If those clever people are correct and there are 30 "active, intelligent, communicating civilizations" in our Milky Way, then if all things are equal (and of course we've no idea if they are or not) multiple 500 billion by 30, and in theory at least that would give you a working number of how many "active, intelligent, communicating civilizations" that are pinging around in the universe. Of course, all of this is in theory, and certainly some of those civilizations probably are Klignons or Ewoks, making them unlikely to contain a 'you'. A Klignon you isn't just quite the same, and you can feel safe in the idea that in relation to Klignons you are unique by comparison. Also in theory, some of those civilizations might be less advanced than we are. Maybe they haven't reached the walking upright stage yet, therefore rendering you unique in comparison to them as well. We can eliminate a certain amount of those civilizations as not quite good enough (in your theory, we are sure) to contain a 'you'. That is the good news, the bad news is that even if we err on the side of 'you' and eliminate 65% of those civilizations, well we still have 35% left, and by our exacting standards and well reasoned research that leaves a virtual fuck ton (which has to be an actual unit of measurement somewhere in the universe) of potential 'yous' populating a whole lot of other places.

Process that for a second, or longer if you need to, it is a sobering thought in many ways, and then begin to ponder what that means to 'you'. You've just been knocked off a very high perch, one that the rest of the world has put 'you' and themselves on since time immemorial. It is an idea sanctioned by usage and consecrated by time. That idea is that you are unique like a snowflake (not the political sissy type, but actual snow), and that the world would at least be different without you in it. Maybe not better, hopefully not worse, but at least different. Let's not break our arm patting ourselves on the back, the idea that the world would be worse off without you is hubris, which is also a long held idea by a lot of people but that need not detain us here.  More than likely, any of the 'yous' wandering around scratching their respective asses in the universe(s) aren't in any position of power that would make their respective demises world altering events, but I guess you never know. Maybe you are the head of some far reaching, world crushing empire, and when you gasp your last breath the entire trajectory of that world will change. I suppose that is both a depressing, and comforting thought. Depressing in the fact that it isn't the 'you' you know about and sort of makes this version of 'you' seem a bit of a failure, comforting in the fact that at least one version of 'you' has achieved the world domination that you are pretty sure all versions of 'you' have planned since birth.

However, those versions, however likely, are unconfirmed and probably never will be confirmed to your satisfaction.  World domination aside, this version of 'you' has goals even if you don't exactly realize it. A goal can be as highbrow as writing the great American novel, or as simple as getting through the day without strangling someone to death. Goals can be defined very broadly. Not committing homicide is a good goal to achieve, and if you manage it, you should buy yourself a beverage of your choice to celebrate. If you are generous you could buy the person who came the closest to having you fail in that homicidal goal a drink as well, and just merely talk about how'd you almost murdered them today. Maybe you can tell them of your desire to write the great American novel about your plan/desire to murder them as a plot device, and they find it funny or flattering, or perhaps they run screaming from the bar, and you never see them again. Thus, removing the problem of potential homicide from your life without you having to solve the pesky problem of how to get rid of a dead body. 

All of this of this rambling shitshow of a post has been written in the aid of making this version of 'you' happy. I suspect it has failed in that task, but then again happy is, for the most part, an undiscovered county or a bridge too far for a lot of people. The point is that even if there are 30 or more other versions of 'you' flailing about in the void, or picking their nose in the next county over, you are this version. The version that has been dealt these cards at this moment, in this place, and you have to play them. Certainly they may not be the royal flush you were hoping for, and they may (more than likely do) suck, but they are 'your' cards. You are the one that must needs play them. For better or for worse they are all you've got. Bluff if you have to, bet wisely, but don't fold them, they are the only cards you can be certain you'll get. And if those cards lead you down the path of curing cancer great, but if they have you turning in to a serial killer (which isn't so great) at least be the best at it you can be. 'You' won't be dealt a new set of cards, or at least if 'you' are it won't be anytime soon. I wish 'you' luck.