Misery NOT Company

They say, whomever they are and if you figure out who "they" are please let me know because I've several not so nice things to say to "them", that misery loves company. People use that expression like it is supposed to really mean something, and that it has some deep transcendent meaning that will make the person who is miserable feel better. Or that it will explain why the sad sack bastard who is miserable is trying to make other people around him or her miserable as well. "Misery love company" they will say and nod knowingly. Never mind the fact that usually the miserable bastard isn't exactly having the time of their life by being miserable. "They" just use that tired trope to explain why the miserable one is trying to make the world miserable with them. Well, they are wrong.

True misery, the type of misery that has you looking for methods to find your way out of the world in the least painful but quickest way possible does not in fact love company. In many ways, company is the very last thing that misery needs. It doesn't help, all the fake pity, and the "it will get better, I promise" lies told to the miserable one as ways and means just to get them to come to work and do their job. I mean you may be miserable,but can you get me those TPS reports before Monday, and try not to off yourself over the weekend, "yeah thanks."  The miserable comes to work, because what is the alternative? To spend the day in some coffin they call an apartment, staring at the walls as they begin to close in? To go to the track, and hope the ponies run swiftly? Even if they do, a true miserable bastard will get little joy out of picking the right horse. They will, if they are truly miserable, and it is deeply rooted enough find a way to explain that because their horse came in, it probably means there is a piece of Chinese space junk about to land on their head and even the karmic balance out, and it will probably happen on the way to cashing in their winning ticket. Thus, the balance of misery is complete.

Good things happen to miserable people all the time, they get co-workers to bring them donuts, they get told they look good in that dress, or that when they smile it lights up the room. They have people remind them of their humanity, and that in spite of themselves and their current condition, they are, in fact, a decent human being that has value far beyond what they believe. They have people, whether they want to believe it or not, that are really, truly (as much as any other human can be) on their side. People who will take up for them, people who will try to help them (again as much as any other human can) slay the demons that are causing the misery in the first place. They have people who will pour them several drinks into the glass of "calm the fuck down" and sit with them while they get heavily intoxicated on its contents. They have people that, after all those drinks, will steer them out of the bar, after they have calmed the fuck down, as the miserable one tries very hard to keep their shit together and either not fall or break down in public. They have (if they are lucky) people who will, for reasons passing understanding, watch that break down happen (and it will happen, it has to happen) in private, and remain beside them as the miserable one is having a come apart like a Frenchmen at the fall of Paris. They even have people who will provide them the most basic of human comforts. The type that people don't talk about at polite parties.


Of course the miserable one knows this, they are miserable, not blind, deaf, or dumb. The misery has not robbed them of their ability to appreciate the good people that are trying to take the "misery loves company" proverb and change its narrative. The actual theory behind the proverb is that miserable people want others to be miserable as well in the hopes that it will make them feel better to see that they aren't the only ones miserable. That is a load of bollocks. The miserable one doesn't need to know that other people are just as miserable as they are. Again, they are miserable not stupid. The miserable one(s) understand that the world has enough shit sandwiches to go around for us all, and that they aren’t the only one taking a bite of it. That is the difference between being miserable and being pathetic. It isn't a contest to see who can hit rock bottom the fastest. There is no prize for being the most miserable, or rather if there is, you sure as fuck don't want to earn it. If such a prize existed, and thank fuck that it doesn't, I seriously doubt it would be the "cure" to that person's misery.

Misery is a temporary losing of the plot, a side road on life's journey that may be a bit more bumpy than you'd like, but here you are fucking miserable. This is not the Lewis and Clark expedition, you do not need a team of mapmakers, guides, porters, and camp followers to come with you on this trip. If you do, then you aren't doing it right. Those well wishers, and supportive people who you left behind on the turn down misery lane, will be there (if you are lucky, and if they are truly supportive) when you find the end of the road. You don't need them to, and if you are any sort of decent human being, you don't want them to come on this journey with you. Write them letters from the wilderness of misery, drive the point home that you are on a solo journey of misery, and have them pray that tomorrow gets much better. If they care they will, if they don't, well fuck them they aren't your friends to begin with, and they can rot in a hell of their own making.

That trip through the wilderness of misery is fraught with all sorts of pitfalls and all types of peril. There will be places that will appear to offer respite from the horrors of misery, places that seemingly offer you a quick way out. A short cut to a happier place. This is an illusion, misery is a tricky bitch. It (she? he?) knows just the things to put in front of you to trick you into wandering even further into the brambles they have constructed for you. Misery is a clever whore, always has been, always will be. Generally, misery is smarter than you are, and that's a problem. Misery will allow you to cry for help if you want to, but remember she is smarter than you. Those cries for help that you think are clear as day, misery will twist and turn into something far, far different. Just for fun, misery will provide you with images of people (and they are just images, they aren't real) that seem to offer you an escape from her clutches. Another illusion, a trick, a way to get you to believe that misery does love company, and that here is another soul on the same path as you, that can provide you a modicum of warmth, and support to get you out of your misery. It's a trap, such a person doesn't exist. This is a fan favorite of misery, allowing you to believe the horrible illusion that another person can save you from misery. They can't, and you can't let them. It is a siren's song that is very, very difficult not to listen to, but like the crew of Odysseus' galley, you need to stuff you ears with wax, and not listen to any type of song that promises a way out of misery.

The trials and the trails of misery are yours to transverse alone, if you are truly aware of the nature of misery, you understand and accept this. Acceptance, as "they" say is the first step, and you are going to have to take a lot of steps to get out of the trap misery has laid for you.  However, misery, the true misery that if you are unlucky enough to be suffering does not love nor want company. True misery is like Linus' security blanket, it is something that you wrap yourself, and yourself alone in, and work out alone and do not share. You may try to talk yourself out of your misery in the company of others, but they are not on the journey with you, they are signposts, way stations on your intensely solo journey out of misery. It is a trip that must need doing, and only you can do it, and only you can want to do it. Other people can smash you over the head in their attempts to get you to "snap out of it" they can cajole, beg, and plead for you to come to your senses, and see the light (as it were), but it is a trip you have to walk alone. Try to reach out for help, and misery will be there waiting to make things worse for you. That is what misery does, makes things worse. It is the sole reason for misery's existence. I've never seen a situation so bad that it cannot get worse is one of misery's mantras.

The weight of the world is not on your shoulders, the world doesn't really give much of a fuck about you, sure it is kind of out to destroy you, but the world doesn't have to try that hard, and generally if it waits long enough, you will probably destroy yourself anyway. That weight, that Coleridgeian albatross following your ship doesn't have to end up around your neck. Your can is not empty, don't rattle it too much, or people will grow tired of the noise though they might (or might not) be too polite to tell you. Think of it as a rebuilding project, misery has torn you right down to the ground, and you need to rebuild yourself and the image of yourself (for you and others) from the bottom up. Erect scaffolding to facilitate the construction process. Your enemies (misery and others) will deride the scaffolding as an eyesore, and try to shake it to the ground. The scaffolding will, eventually, collapse, and perhaps it will crush you, but if that be so, let it happen when the edifice of the reconstituted, liberated you is already standing. That time, whether you know it or not, is coming, for not only strength is on your side, but truth is also.