Monday, July 02, 2012

First in Time, First in Right

I was his first, I am hesitant to call myself his first 'love', so I will just stick with naming myself the first. The first who ever showed him exactly what the joys of love could bring. I doubt he remembers me very often, and I am not sure he remembers me with anything approaching fondness, but while he can deny all sorts of things (and does all the time), he cannot deny me no matter how much he would like to. I was the first 'filly' that he tried to break, and he came close, but I was never really that broken. I let him think he was in charge a lot more than he really was.

It was more years ago that I care to remember when I took him aside on that dirt road and taught him the rules of the road. The ways of the world, and all the other things a young lad like him needed to know in order to navigate his way around.  Try as he might, and I am quite certain he has tried, he can never forget me. I won't allow it, you see even if the rest of you lot have taught him things I never could, even if you lot have changed him from that nervous, uncertain, confused boy that I used to know, I will remain first in time. First in time, first in right is a property law axiom that some other person taught him long after I was gone, and I am not longer first in right, that is something I do not desire to be, it is enough for me to be first in time.

I was born in Detroit, the same state as his father, he didn't like his father that much, but he promised not to hold the state of my birth against me. What he did hold against me was a pair of very uncertain, untrained hands. That was fine with me, after all I was his first, he was not my first, a fact that he knew, but tried to ignore.  I was younger than he was (and I suppose I still am), but he was a self-confessed 'late bloomer'.  The fact that I was his first was quite quaint in very many ways, but soon began to wear very, very thin. Thin in the fact that he really, really didn't have much of a clue as to what he was doing, and pulling myself out of the wreckage of our relationship became quite painful. In his defense, one of the 'wrecks' wasn't exactly his fault, but one was just quite simply his mistake in not paying enough attention to where I was going. I forgave him the one, but not the other.

He currently has absolutely no idea as to my present whereabouts, and I doubt he really cares. He has long since discarded me in favour of younger, newer models. I never expected anything less from him, he isn't (or wasn't) the type to grow overly fond of things and or people. It is both a personal failing of his, and one of his most endearing qualities.  He knew enough to tell me that he had learned enough from me, and would have to let me go to rust like some ancient, outdated Soviet icebreaker that had become too expensive to maintain. He kept me out all night once, and scandalized the entire of his, and my family. We both got into a lot of trouble for that, and I was banned from seeing him for quite a while. He didn't apologize for it, and I thought the better of him for his unabashed refusal to say he was sorry.  It wasn't the worst night I had ever spent, and it wouldn't be the last night I spent with him.

That last night wasn't anything special, and truth be told, I can't really remember any details of it at all. I doubt he can either, but I am quite certain he would be upset if he knew I couldn't. One of his biggest problems was/is the fact that he thinks he should be remembered longer than he remembers you. I was the first 'victim' of that flaw, but I am certain I was not the last.  It is you lot, the successors in interest that I dedicate this little blog post to. The ones that came after me, the ones that he eventually discarded just like me for younger, newer models. I am old fashioned, and out of date like an inline 6 (and if you get that reference you are miles ahead in the race to understand what this is all about), but no matter where he goes in the world, and no matter how many of you lot he 'test drives', I will always be his first whether he likes to admit it or not. 

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