Friday, March 30, 2007


As you lay there in bed and see the day's events replay themselves like a bad movie in your head, do you wonder what part you were playing? Were you the hero (sigh), the anti-hero, the villain, or just some two-bit character actor woodenly going through the motions in a performance that would make the critics howl like the Hound of the Baskervilles? As the moments of the day glide pass do you stop to point out your mistakes? Do you even realize you made them? Do you wonder if maybe the script you had was different from the script the other people in your little drama are working from? Maybe we all have different scripts, and that is the problem. Perhaps we are looking through the wrong camera lens, but I truly wonder if we can adjust that lens. Can we step out of life so boring, and look at the lives of the other actor's? Wonder how it feels to be them? To see yourself through the lens of the drama in which they are the lead actor, and you are just a member of the supporting cast. Then the problem arises that if, just if, you could tear yourself away from behind your camera, which I believe is next to impossible. Could you stand to focus through their lens at yourself? Could your performance stand the bright lights? Remember the camera adds ten pounds, and your voice is going to sound a little different (do i really sound like a soprano?) because it is no longer traveling through your facial bones to reach you. Of course you risk the horrible realization that through their lens you are a troll, a braying jackass, an insenstive boor, an incompent boob, or worst of all that your part has been cut from the script without you knowing about it.


Cynnie said...

I hate to have too much time to think..
i always go over my life and all the mistakes I've made..
all the hurts i've caused( some deliberately..yikes)
just wade through the shit that sometimes is/was my fucking life....

And i have no excuses..none..

this is one movie i wish i could have walked out on.

Anonymous said...

I think we all wish we could see ourselves through other people's "lens"... it's probably a good thing every once in a while to try and experience someone else's reality, especially if we are a player in their drama.

Of course this brings up the question of whether it matters how others perceive us; we have all been taught to be true to ourselves no matter what other people think. But sometimes we can lose track of ourselves, and need to be shocked into reality, anyone's reality.

what a thought provoking post...

Lefty said...

Yes, when I whip my pants off in a bar or start ranting about my enemies list it would certainly be helpful to see myself through someone else's eyes..oh well.

challenge said...

If there was a way to look at myself without using the camera (yup, not really wanting to see those extra pounds of flesh ;) ) I am still not sure it would be fun to see... good for your character maybe, but not fun per se.

Also, who would be the judge of hero/anti-hero? Me? In my world I'll always defend those poor creatures that are terrible... eh, probably should stop ranting now.

Thanks for giving me yet another thing to think about at work while pipetting :)