Despite what they tell you in the movies, the barrel of a gun isn't exactly cold when it is pressed to the back of your neck. I became aware of this when said barrel of said gun was pressed with just enough pressure to get my full attention into the back of MY neck. I was a bit surprised to say the least, but being semi-used to having guns pointed in my general directions (thanks Felix's goons), I knew enough to raise my arms and turn around when I was told. Which I was quickly told to "turn around real slow like, and don't do anything stupid. Or should I say don't do anything ELSE stupid." I did as I was told, and turned around real slow like, I knew that it was going to take a delicate touch to keep myself from being made unalive. "Before you have me make peace with my gods, perhaps we should have a bit of a chat?" When I had made my full turn, I was facing the barrel of a gun about 9 inches from my nose. "I thought the barrel was supposed to be cold?" The sun browned fellow behind the gun barked out a laugh, "that's only in the movies hombre. Here we keep our guns close and body heat does the rest." I nodded, "well if I survive this chat, I will be sure to tell all my people about the difference."
"Currently that is a big "IF" my man. I know what brings you here." He pointed to the rock formation off to our left, but I can't understand why you decided that this holy ground was a good place to do that" he pointed to the stain in the dust that I had created. "Well, I guess I was over hydrated with all the water I have been consuming for the last two days to keep the stomach flu I have from killing me any quicker." He snorted what I hoped was a laugh. At least that's a unique excuse for defiling sacred ground" and here he pulled back the hammer on the revolver pointed at my face, "I am not sure the Wolf would appreciate your 'offering'.
I sighed I didn't exactly disagree with him, but I figured if I told him that I was about to be his 'offering' to the Wolf, or maybe the trickster Coyote, either way I wasn't quite ready to meet either one of them. "In spite of what you probably think, and how it looks, I did not do this with any disrespect. In fact, I talked quite a bit about it to the gods around here who would listen, hoping they would understand, that I was in distress, and didn't have any other real option. I also figured that these gods, your gods, created all of this (here I indicated the wide open plains around us) and maybe even all of us. With that in mind, I figured they understood that sometimes their creations would have bodily functions that sometimes were very difficult to control. I even asked for pre-forgiveness. I didn't get a obvious answer, but I figured that maybe the Wolf and the Coyote weren't exactly going to speak to a non-member such as myself."
He tilted his head at my little speech, and said "you can lower your arms, but don't try anything else stupid. You, like most of your tribe, have a lot of words to explain your sins, some of them are even pretty words, but they are nonetheless, just words." I nodded, "I understand that, and I don't disagree, but words are my coin, I get paid to say pretty words, and I guess maybe it has rubbed off in my non-professional life as well. I mean, after all, pretty words are how the not gorgeous of us convince women folk to sleep with us." He laughed again, which I took as a good sign, after all only a true killer would shoot you as dead as dead can be while laughing at your jokes, and I figured/hoped that I was not looking at a true killer.
"Keep talking then, after all it is just you and me out here, and I am trying to remember if I have a shovel in my truck or not." I winced, that was not exactly good news, and I wasn't sure if he was making a joke, or really thinking of digging a me sized hole for me to occupy for the rest of time. "Well, these are your spirits not mine, so I figure that maybe you would be able to determine how they feel about this "crime"of mine, and make no mistake I understand that it can be very much considered crime." He nodded, "well at least you understand that, unlike most of your people who just trample over this land like it's theirs to do what they please since they had more guns than us." He waved HIS gun at me, "which isn't exactly the case at the moment now is it?"
I nodded my agreement, "yes it appears that is true, I would have never brought a gun here, no matter what type of pagan/heathen/savage you think I am, and probably am, I don't go heeled on holy ground. I told you it was not my plan to disrespect this place, and I have no real gods of my own, but I understand peoples who do. I guess I've just never found a god or gods whose terms I am willing to accept." He lowered the gun, which I took as a good sign, but I wasn't for sure if maybe his arm was just tired. "Tell me paleface, how you know about the Wolf and the Coyote, and I might not leave you here for the buzzards, because as I ponder it I don't have a shovel, and am too tired to dig a you sized hole anyway. That's not to say that dying isn't still in air, just that I will have to consider it a few more minutes, which you should use wisely."
"I learned about them, and Appi the creator before I stepped foot out here, I told you I've not come to terms with any god so far, and I figured I might have a negotiation with your lot to see if maybe their terms were acceptable to me. I am not sure if they are taking applications from heathens like me, but it never hurts to at least ask. I've gotten a whole lot of silence from a whole lot of other gods, so I wasn't expecting much, but hope springs eternal as the saying goes. If it helps, I did try to avoid that" I pointed to the dark spot on the ground I had created, "but whatever god created me in his/her/their image gave me a waste disposal system that sometimes has a 'mind' of its own. I am sure you've had similar issues at some point in your life. Being of a similar age, at least by the looks of you, I am sure you understand how much aging sucks."
He gave me a curious look, "tell me white man, if I had created a similar puddle at your Holy See, would your kind give me the grace you ask of me?" I replied "well, two things make that different that what we have here. First, I don't have any holy ground, but I take your point. Secondly, most of that holy ground you attribute to my 'people' are in areas a lot less isolated than this. Which is to say a place to handle our 'business' is more likely to be closer to hand. Not that it relives me of my "crime" here today. Just a couple of observations."
He smiled, and holstered his gun. "You don't have a way with words paleface, and it looks like today is not your day to die after all. Go on your merry little way, and thank the Wolf for their grace when you get the chance." I nodded my thanks and began the long walk back to where I had came from. "Oh, by the way white man, the Coyote has spoken to me, and says that you won't pay the ultimate price, but your 'crime' will not go completely unpunished." I arched an eyebrow, "what does that mean exactly?" He shrugged "the Coyote isn't the type to be precise, but I expect when it happens you will know." He trudged off towards whatever business he had, and left me standing there with just a bit of disquiet as to what the hell this Coyote character had in mind for me. I shrugged it off, thinking I've not accepted the Coyote's terms either so, I don't really have any truck with this "punishment" they have in mind for me. More the fool to me, because here I am three days later, still puking my guts out into a hotel toilet, and praying to all the gods for a death that seems overlong in coming, and thinking maybe the Coyote has made his point despite my disbelief.
