It's been almost a year since I wrote the cliffhanger of part two, today's a good day for part three (never said I was a quick thinker).
I walked between Viktor and Lazar, and behind Felix as we left the latest bar I had decided to attempt to find a beautiful oblivion. I was well on my way to that oblivion, regaling some whippersnapper sent by "her" with the tale of Serge and his apples, when Felix and his playmates decided my presence was required elsewhere. Being the accommodating type, and not currently being strapped, I decided to follow along with Felix. After all, where else did I have to be? It's hard to get places you need or want to be with two broken knees, and one eye swollen shut, which is Felix's playmates general way of persuading you to 'come along quietly and don't make a fuss'. I had seen it happen to several people before, and made the command decision that I was too pretty for one of those persuasions. Therefore, I decided to follow along with Felix's plan without know what it was because I decided that the ability to walk and see were pretty important in my line of work. If I ever decided to do any work.
We reached the street, and Felix pointed to the straight out of central casting black sedan, and said "get in GI, we are going for a little ride." I sighed "Jesus, Felix can you be anymore of a stereotype? Why can't you lot show up in something with some colour? Try red or yellow, no one would ever suspect you're up to no good if you show up in a bright yellow roadster." Felix's smile did not reach his eyes, "Get the fuck in GI, and stop with the comedy act. You'll need it for your next audience." That didn't bode well for me, as I figured Felix was the worst audience I was going to have. If wherever we were going was worst that where I thought Felix was taking me, then I wasn't nearly drunk enough for this shit. "Fine Felix, just let me finish one thing" I said, and took my trusty flask from my coat pocket swirled it around, uncapped it, and before his thugs could stop me finished the contents at a gallop. I coughed "Christ, alright Felix I am ready for my close up as the saying goes" and I got into the car followed by Viktor and Lazar who took up their stations on either side of me. Sometimes Felix's imagination lacks a certain flair.
Felix got in the front seat, and looked over at the driver, some mug I had never seen before, and said "you know where we are going, get us there without an fuss." I settled into my seat and tried to make myself as comfortable as possible, that being a difficult task since I was squashed between two bruisers, slightly drunk, and with no clue where I was going, and if I was going to have access to a bathroom anytime soon (that shit in the flask goes right through you sometimes). As the car pulled out into traffic I reflected on why at 2 p.m. Felix was even awake and roaming the streets. With nothing better to do I asked "Felix, it's 2 in the afternoon, why are you awake, and roaming the streets? Didn't you have a long night of beating the shit out of someone to tire you out before your warm milk and bedtime?" He arched an eyebrow at that, not sure if he thought I was guessing or really knew that he liked warm milk before bed, sometimes it's best just to throw lines into the water and see if anything will bite. You just have to be careful they aren't too big to reel in, and don't bite too hard. "Not that you deserve to know, but I despise milk, and I don't beat the shit out of people. I just gently persuade them to tell kind Uncle Felix what he wants to know. Failing that these two sweethearts" here he pointed to Viktor and Lazar, "beat the shit out of them, as you so colourfully put it."
I figured that was about all the conversation I was going to get out of Felix, he's a tight lipped bastard even on his most expansive days, and Mutt and Jeff were the grunting type. I don't think I'd ever heard either of them say more that five words total, so I decided to enjoy the ride. I generally walk places I need to be, it makes the stagger home more interesting and challenging. A car ride I didn't have to pay for was a treat. Then I noticed we weren't going the right direction, "Hey Felix, is your boy new? He just missed the turn onto Water Street, how else are we getting to your 'office' if not that way?" Felix turned around and said "we aren't going to my office GI, why don't you just relax?" When a man like Felix tells you to relax, you start to get nervous, very fucking nervous. "I'm so relaxed that I am almost in a coma Felix, but I'm curious where are we going? Let me guess, you've decided to take me to a nice restaurant for my birthday, but Felix today isn't my birthday, surely you know that?" He didn't bother to turn as he answered me "I'm also not taking you for a walk in the country, just settle down, and try to keep your face shut for the rest of the trip, though your birthday joke will be even funnier later."
I knew that a "walk in the country" with Felix meant that Felix would have a nice walk and come back, you would have a nice walk and not, so I decided to keep my whore mouth shut, and began to ponder his birthday remark. Felix is not a man to say things by accident, and only tells you things he wants you to hear. It's a character flaw of his that I have discussed with him many times, and yet he persists in doing it. Some dogs just can't or won't learn new tricks. I suppose the good news, if there was any good news, was that Felix said "later" implying that there would be a "later" in which I would be able to enjoy (or more likely rue) my birthday joke. It's the small mercies that are sometimes the most appreciated. I decided to try one more ploy with Felix, it might not be the best idea, but I don't generally like surprises, and I had a feeling that Felix was about to give me a very unpleasant (for me) surprise. "Well, I know we aren't going to your house Felix, because we aren't going east." That bolt did find its way home. He turned fully around, and snarled "I said for you to keep your face shut, and you had to open your mouth and turn smart didn't you?" He gestured to Viktor, and Viktor punched me very quickly, very quietly, and VERY hard in the ribs. I gasped in quite real pain "Christ, Felix that wasn't necessary." He smiled "it wasn't until you made it so, now settle down, and if you like your ribs in their current condition, stay silent. It's not too far now."
I looked around with a tad more interest in my surroundings, we had turned into a slightly more posh neighborhood, one where "my kind of people" were only welcome if we were taking trash off the sidewalk, or here to fix the plumbing issue of one of the toffs who lived there. "Wait a second" I begin "Felix are you lost or have you gone mad? This is. . ." "I know exactly where we are going, and so do you, you've been here at least 4 times before, though according to my information the last time was unpleasant. Remember your joke? Now you can see why I think it's final got a little humor in it." He held up a gloved hand and showed me a little red pill, "Though I suspect your last little shot of liquid courage may have been enough to keep you calm enough, we will just have to make sure. Boys have him open wide." His goons nodded in unison and grabbed my jaws and forced them open. Felix handed Lazar the pill. "Make sure he swallows it, he will thank me for this mercy the next time he sees me." I struggled, but it was mostly for show. A man has to know when he beat, and I was beat. Lazar shoved the pill into my mouth and I dutifully swallowed it down. Felix nodded and said "Good lad, now in about 10 minutes you are going to say good night for a while. I am not exactly sure where you'll wake up, but that wasn't part of my deal. I am just the delivery boy. Enjoy your nap GI, I don't think from what I've been able to tell about the person I am delivering you to that you will enjoy waking up from it." About 8 minutes later he nodded to his goons, and I was dumped like a piece of the aforementioned trash onto the sidewalk. I knew then that sleep was on its way too quickly for me to leg it, and so with a sigh I sat down and waited for what was to come. All the while thinking what an absolute bastard Felix had become. to be continued (again).
