I Want to Know

I want to know right from wrong,
I want to know "who wrote this song,"
I want to know why people lie,
I want to know why my pets have to die,
I want to know do willows really weep,
I want to know why do people make promises they can not keep,
I want to know the time
I want to know if I can borrow a dime,
I want to know how it feels to be king
I want to know if it is alright for me to sing
I want to know why history repeats
I want to know if i should take the leap
I want to know if guilty people sleep
I want to know if I sow what do I reap,
I want to know how to love
I want to look down on my life from above
I want to know is this all there is
I want to know why I feel the need to keep forcing this post by rhyming
I want to know how to make ends meet
I want to know the cause and nature of my own death
I want to know what certain people are thinking
I want to know all the answers
I want to know the question
I want to know how to do higher math
I want to know why

Control

A very wise man once told me "Control your emotions or they will be your downfall." Another fellow traveller told me that "one of the only things you can control is your emotions, when other people start to control your emotions, they control you." Well, besides the fact that it seems I know a LOT of wise men, these two pieces of advice have always been guiding principles in my life. I understand that following these ideas has led to me being seen as a bit of a cold fish at times. It just seems to me that people who allow others to control their emotions are not being honest with themselves. This is why I do not truly hate anyone (well besides Oliver Cromwell, and Will Ferrell but that is another story). I believe that to hate someone allows them to control your emotions. If someone you hate walks into the room your mood is instantly affected, and not for the better. Jaws may clench, unkind words are muttered, and fists even may be clenched. All because some moron walked into the room. Indifference is a much more effective tool. If you have an enemies list, let them know that if they were to fall off the face of the planet tomorrow, your life would be virtually unaffected. Truth is emotions are tricky things to control, and sometimes in the attempt to control you merely repress, or worse you send the wrong signal. It may be that humans just can not control emotions, maybe they are what truly makes us human, and maybe they will lead to our downfall. Perhaps, there is nothing you can do to stop it, no matter how hard you try.

Origins

An Irish Airman Foresees His Death


I know that I shall meet my fate
Somewhere among the clouds above;
Those that I fight I do not hate,
Those that I guard I do not love;
My country is Kiltartan Cross,
My countrymen Kiltartan's poor,
No likely end could bring them loss
Or leave them happier than before.
Nor law, nor duty bade me fight,
Nor public men, nor cheering crowds,
A lonely impulse of delight
Drove to this tumult in the clouds;
I balanced all, brought all to mind,
The years to come seemed waste of breath,
A waste of breath the years behind
In balance with this life, this death.


William Butler Yeats



Pretty uplifting eh?

Joiner

I am not a joiner, I do not "join" with other people to form large masses of people intent upon some collective "mission." I come from a state that is nicknamed the Volunteer State, but I personally do not think it applies directly to me. I have always been suspicious of crowds (or herds as I prefer to call them), they never seem to know exactly where they are going or who is in charge. Now, I am not so cool and collected to believe that I know where I am going, but at least (when I am alone), I know who is in charge, and therefore who to blame and hold responsible when I go the wrong way. I suppose it boils now to a matter of control. In a herd, you forfeit a certain degree of control to receive the protection of the collective herd, and the benefit (to some at least), of not having to make a command decision. This is all well and good for some people, but for me it just does not work. I am too much of a cynic to hand over immediate control of my fate to some jackass whom I know could not find his/her ass with both hands, a troop of boy scouts, a GPS system, and a copy of Grey's Anatomy. Do not get me wrong, I have difficulty getting my crap together too, but I try to realize that it makes me a poor candidate to be put in charge. Groups make me nervous. Especially if planted in the group I have been asked to join is some bungler that I really can not stand. What possessed them to think, for even the briefest of moments, that I would join the group in the first place, and it beggars belief to think I would join a group with some horse's ass that I can not stand. The major problem with my lack of joining is that one gets labeled as a "non-team player." Horror, how could anyone not want to join our team? No matter that we are a group of donkeys that has no clue what is happening, how could someone refuse to join us? These are the tough questions that I have to face. Being the gentle person that I am, I usually make up some lame excuse that allows my presence to be elsewhere, and scuttle off to the safety of my local. However, realization has dawned that I am being intellectually dishonest, and in some respects, unfair to both myself and the group that asked me to join. I suppose if I were a stronger person I would rudely tell the clutch of morons to bugger off. If I were a nicer person I would politely refuse, but promise "next time" I would gladly join their group. If I were a more politically motivated person I would join the group, plaster a fake smile on my face, and sing and dance to the tune that they called. However, being the person I am, I just darkly mutter a excuse, and toddle off to bet on baseball.