The Lane

 I sat down on the first empty bar stool I could find. This wasn't Sully's so I didn't have my usual place at the bar. No matter, a bar is a bar is a bar, or so one would hope, and I had hopes that 'The Lane" was a bar at served a decent pint. The fellow with the ponytail behind the bar decided I wasn't worth his attention for a good five minutes before he deigned to ask me what I wanted to drink. I gave him my order after looking at the shit beer list, and hoped that my choice would taste better than rat piss. He sat the pint in front of me, and I said "cheers" it at least looked decent. But as with a lot of things in life, looks can be deceiving. It tasted like someone had put a cigarette out in it. I sighed, it had been a long week, and now here I was in some strange bar drinking smoky rat piss all for what I could tell was just some whim of Felix. 

He had given me very specific directions as to the bar, the time, and the day, I was supposed to show up. So here I was, piss poor pint in front of me looking around at a bar full of strangers trying to sort out why the actual fuck I was here. What game Felix was playing at eluded me. He merely waved his hand and said "here is where you need to be, and the rest you will sort out when you get there." I had no idea what I was supposed to "sort out." My sorting out days were fast approaching an ending, and I didn't really feel like drinking smokey rat piss in an alien bar. Locals exist for a reason. You find your local, you get to know the people (especially the bartenders, and maybe a buxom serving wench or two), and there you are at your new home away from home. 

Eventually, you become a fixture, an addition to the place like new wallpaper but better looking (you think), and you settle into a routine. You come, you drink, you stagger home to regret your life choices on the morrow. This new place was not exactly my scene, too well lit for starters, and seemingly going to stay that way for the foreseeable future. I glanced around hoping for some clue as to what Felix was playing at when he sent me on this fool's errand, and that is when I saw her. Well lit can be a curse at times, and this was one of those times. She was sitting across the bar at an angle from me, and didn't notice me at first. Which was a blessing, because I let out several swear words under my breath when I noticed her.

Have I mentioned that Felix is a bastard? He is a bastard, and seems to take an inordinate amount of pleasure in being one. I didn't know what to expect when Felix told me to come here, but this sure as fuck wasn't it. This ghost from Xmas past was not a welcome addition to my day. In fact, she had once very pointedly accused me of ruining Xmas. She truly hated my guts, and had no problem telling me that in no uncertain terms the last time she had seen me. That was when she was throwing me out of her apartment after inviting me over to have "one last rodeo" as she put it. Nothing says mixed signals like a woman sleeping with you, and then telling you to "get the fuck out, and never, ever come back or speak to me again."

I left that night very confused as to what had just happened, well I knew part of what had just happened, but as to the big picture I was clueless.  I figured she wasn't serious about the never speaking to her again bit. But, as it turned out, she was serious about that, very, very serious. It took me a couple of pathetic, failed attempts before I got the message, but eventually I did. I never claimed to be the swiftest horse in the stable, but she finally made it so clear that even I could understand. With a final, fuck you she rode off into whatever passes for a sunset in my world. I can't say I didn't mourn her because I did, but after a considerable amount of drinking about it, I realized it was probably for the best that she left when she did. 

That last rodeo was over a decade ago, and bar one brief, and unpleasant interaction since, we had not crossed paths, nor did I ever expect to see her again. And yet, here she was chatting away to someone not 15 feet away from me like nothing in the world was wrong. Well that is until she eventually glanced over and saw me looking over at her with a perplexed look on my face. The look of distaste was fleeting, but it did not go unnoticed. It was like she had just seen a cockroach at her mother's house but was too polite to mention it out loud in front of company. 

I sat very still and cursed Felix for the bastard that he is, and wished ponytail would come back so I could tab out and flee the jurisdiction as quickly as possible. No such luck, ponytail was busy chatting up some thin girl that clearly needed to eat a sandwich, and pretending like I didn't exist. I was beginning to hope that ponytail was correct and I didn't exist when she got up and walked in my direction. Of course she walked in my direction, this wouldn't be a story if she didn't. I tried to pretend I didn't recognize her at first, but as usual my play acting failed miserably. 

She plopped down on the stool next to me and said "don't look so unhappy GI, I am not going to bite." She leaned in way too close and whispered ever so softly in my ear "though there was a time when you enjoyed me biting didn't you lover boy." I leaned away from her with a look of bemusement on my face. "Why the fuck are you here, how the fuck are you here, and what the fuck do you want?" She smirked "all very good questions lover boy, you always had good questions, too bad you also usually had shitty answers to go with them." I growled "let me guess, some bastard named Felix sent you." She nodded slightly. "Right at the first asking, you always were a clever lad. Yes, your boy Felix sent for me, and then sent me here. I took some persuading, but your boy Felix can be very persuasive when he wants to be can't he?" 

"I suppose that persuasive is one word to use for how Felix gets people to dance to his tune, blackmail would be another, more honest appraisal but that is just semantics isn't it?" She nodded again "yes well, either way here I am once again sitting on a bar stool next to you just like old times. The old times that I've no desire to relive, talk about, or rekindle. I am here to deliver something to you from your boy Felix, and then I get to fade back into the mists of your history. This time I hope forever." She managed to get ponytail's attention (wonder how?) and  said "let's have a shot to celebrate our unhappy reunion shall we?" and ordered our usual shot. "For old time's sake." 

She lifted her glass, clinked it again mine, and we had one last shot for the hell of it. She put her glass down very carefully on the bar and said "speaking of shots, after a very long talk about you, me and our mutual past, your boy Felix gave me this to give to you. Don't ask me why, I didn't ask, and I don't give enough of a fuck to care, but here it is anyway." With that she stood up reached into her pocket and plunked something down on the bar. I was on the way to figuring out what when she grabbed me and pulled me into a seemingly passionate and totally unexpected kiss that was lovely as it was surprising.

She broke away, let out a small gasp of what I hoped was pleasure coupled with a twist of regret, and said "so long GI, I've delivered Felix's message, and I can only hope to never, ever lay eyes or any other part of my body on you again." With that, she waltzed out of the bar and my life all in one fell swoop. It took me a couple of seconds to get "my laces straight" after the shot and the kiss, but when I did I looked down at what she had left me as a parting gift. What was it that Felix dredged her out of my past to deliver to me in such odd circumstances? I looked down at the item on the bar, and laughed aloud. "Felix you daft bastard, it was a joke." I reached down and picked it up. It was just a single, simple bullet. I laughed again and said quietly to myself,  "you didn't even engrave my name on it, you cheap son of a bitch."