Pluie

 Funny thing about rain, the romantics of the world say it's lovely. Nothing like a good, old fashioned rain shower to make the melancholic words just flow right onto the page. The farmers will say "it's good for the crops" and the environmentally conscious will say it's good for Mother Earth, and water tables, lakes, rivers, and all that nature shit. I suppose all these things are true, and sure I've spent a good amount of time standing in the pouring rain with the world turning circles inside my brain. But tonight, well tonight, the rain is cold and it fucking sucks. Don't get me wrong, I am sure that somewhere, some want to be Lord Byron is composing an ode to some pretty barmaids eyes in some poorly lit room, and I am sure that the crops will be bountiful, and we will have all the peas we could possibly want, and I am certainly sure that the streams will be full to overflowing with all this godsdamn rainwater. 

However much joy the rest of the world is getting out of this thuderfuck of a rainstorm is lovely for them, for me all I am getting is wet, and probably catching my death because it's cold, and I wasn't expecting to be standing out in the damn rain for hours on end. No my plans consisted of cold pints, and maybe a warm woman, but Felix had other plans for me, and as usual Mutt and Jeff delivered me to Felix's office to be told that my plans had "suddenly, and unexpectedly changed, and not for the better." In case I haven't made it clear, Felix is a bastard, and when a bastard like Felix tells you that your plans have changed, it is never for the better. "Just a watching brief, GI. All you have to do is stand around without looking like a pervert or a serial killer for a couple or maybe three hours, and make sure that if a certain person receives company, you report back to me who that company is. And since I know you've not played a winner in weeks, you're not only skint, but I figure L____ is looking to maybe make you less pretty for non payment of losses. Do this thing for me, and I'll put you square with your bookie, and maybe give you a few more coin to waste on whatever loser you pick next."

 "Fine Felix, if all I need to do is stand around without too much work, I guess I can take your coin and turn myself into a millionaire, and forget my current group of friends." Felix nodded, and pushed a slip of paper across his desk towards me. "The address, and directions on how to get there, I figure you can direct my minions to the place as reading isn't their strong suit, it's in a posh section of town that I doubt you're familiar with, unless you burgled it before." I snorted, "why Felix I would never break the laws of the Republic that you are sworn to uphold when it is in your best interests, to do such a thing might put a damper on our friendship." He smirked "I would call you a lot of things GI, but 'friend' isn't one of them. Just get out there and try not to fuck it up this time." I sketched a faux salute, "aye aye Captain. I'll do you proud. Just one quick question?" He arched an eyebrow "what is your question." I said "why can't Mutt or Jeff handle this surely standing around mouth breathing is in their wheelhouse." He sighed, "yes they are great for standing around, even sometimes standing around an intimidating helpless women, and rummies too dumb to run when they should, but for this little job a little more discretion is required." I tapped myself on the chest "I am the soul of discretion my dear man,  in this I shall not disappoint." He laughed "don't overpromise GI, I have unlimited faith in your ability to disappoint me, now get out."

I confess that weather reports are something I skip in the paper on my way to the sports page. What do I care about the weather? It's not like I can do anything about it is there? Well, it turns out there is one thing you can do "about" the weather, and that is prepare for it. You know if it's 100 degree maybe skip the wool sweater, or if it is cold maybe take the wool sweater, or maybe, and this became important to me rather quickly, take a fucking raincoat if it is going to rain. Mutt and Jeff were gracious enough to give me a right to my destination, and didn't even bother to punch me just for the fun of it. As we pulled up to the corner across the street from my "target", Mutt or was it Jeff, whistled and said "careful GI, the toffs around here might call the lawdogs on you for looking suspicious. Try to blend in." With that piece of utterly useless advice given, they sped off. 

They weren't wrong, this part of town was not my scene. It looked as if people actually mowed the grass, and didn't let dead dogs lie where they fell to rot. This place looked as if the streets were mopped clean on at least a weekly basis. Hell, it looked as if trees might actually grow here. I decided to lean against what I figured was the most comfortable looking lamppost, and wait upon Mutt and Jeff came to collect me, as per the plan. As much as I racked my brain, I couldn't fathom who Felix would want me spying on in the part of town. Well "spying" is an ugly word for it, but let's call a spade a spade. 

It was about 10 minutes later, that the gods decided I was entirely too comfortable against that lamppost, and decided a little water would be good for me. Of course, what the gods consider a little, and what a man with no raincoat consider a little, are wildly different amounts. Just for fun, or to fuck with me, which I consider to be the same thing for them, the gods decided "let's make that rain as fucking cold as a witch's tit in a brass bra." And so the gods command, and the down came the rain, to attempt to wash GI out, but unlike that loser spider, I am made of sterner stuff, or perhaps the spider didn't have a bookie threatening to break his legs (a much tougher of a job, one would think), I wasn't going to run off because of the rain. Besides, I didn't have any money, and walking home in the rain would be just as bad if not worse than waiting it out, and being driven home in style by Mutt and Jeff. 

I found a doorway that allowed about 30 percent of me to not get soaked to the gills, and waited to solve the curious little mystery that Felix had provided me. Have I mentioned that Felix is a bastard? I knew there was no way that he was giving me this seemingly simple job as a way of helping me get out of debt. It was his way of paying my debts through me, and somehow still making it liked I owed him for paying them himself. It is a pretty shitty arrangement at least for me.  No, there was a lesson in this little, rain soaked tryst, that I had yet to suss out. I just hoped I could suss it out before what harm Felix intended for me, and I had no doubt he intended me harm, came to fruition, or if it did that it didn't kill me. 

About an hour of being the toilet for the gods, I noticed someone walking very carefully down the street. They seemed a bit out of place, not as out of place as me, but still this wasn't their hood. She, a knocking of heels on concrete, told me it was a she, seemed to be struggling to remember the exact house she was looking for. Like someone would had been there once, maybe twice, and maybe was a bit tipsy that second time and it is all a bit hazy. Luckily, or so I briefly thought, the toffs around here paid the light bill so the lamp that the posts held actually worked. It was when the unknown lady passed under one of those expensively working streetlights, that I got a good look at her, no mistaking her even from this distance, and the rain. Once you had seen that walk from the proper angle, you'd never forget it. Sadly for me, at least this night, I had the 'correct' angle. 

It was that walk that sashayed its nice little bottom into the house that Felix had bade me watch. Of fucking course she did, and of fucking course he did. It was the cute, little typist from his office. His secretarial pool as it were. If someone as prole as Felix can have a secretarial pool. I stifled what would have been a very loud curse, and silently damned Felix to the deepest pit of hell. I stood there being a sucker as I watched the lights go out in the windows of the house she had entered, and I cursed him harder. So he knew, and now he knew that I knew. I wondered if he let her know that he knew, or that he was going to let me know. We seemed to be a knowledge bunch, but for all of that "knowledge" all I had were questions. 

Oddly enough, as if they had been told to wait for "lights out", Mutt and Jeff pulled up and one of them said "your chariot await my lady, now get the fuck in." I sighed as I climbed into the back seat "where are we off to in such a rush boys?" I asked figuring that I knew the answer already.  Mutt, or was it Jeff, turned around and replied "the worst place for you, bosses' orders." I shuddered to think of where in the world Felix would think was the worst place for me, but I didn't exactly have a lot of options. I closed my eyes and at least pretended to sleep, not that Mutt or Jeff were any great shakes at conversing, but I didn't even want to try. I had a fair amount of thinking to do, which I knew was the overall point Felix was making, and I knew that his smug ass would ask me all about it in due course. A few minutes later Mutt, or was it Jeff, shook me awake and said "you're here lover boy, get out and we will see you sooner rather than later." With that I was semi-shoved onto the sidewalk, I stumbled a bit then got my bearings, and barked out a laugh. "Felix, you bastard" I said aloud to the street, "you've figured it out." I looked up at the place Felix had determined "was the worst place" for me, fumbled in my pocket for the keys, and prepared to wake up in me own bed (alone) in the morning.