Fehér boríték

 The part deux of "two trolls walk into a bar"

Standing to make my indignant exit was probably not the best idea considering Felix had two fellows at his beck and call (and close at hand) that wanted to rearrange my facial features into something resembling mincemeat, but a man has to stand on his (in)dignity at some point, or he will fall for anything. Felix, to his credit, let me sputter a few non words before waving be back to my seat. I have been hauled into his office so many times before I feel that I have my own seat, I just hope it doesn't become the "GI Memorial" seat anytime in the near future. "Sit down, and stop making a scene, you're much too sober to pull it off, drunk you does the histrionics much better." I wish I could say I had a clever comeback, something to put Felix in his place (if Felix even has a place), but I didn't. I shut my whore mouth, and I sat back down.

I sat my ass back down, and wordlessly Felix pushed the white envelope back towards me, "take another look, I don't think you got a good enough gander the disaster that your life is about to become the first time you looked. I sighed, "Felix, I really, really dislike you sometimes, of course that's just sometimes, right now I kind of hate your fucking guts." He smiled, "good you've finally learned how to hate, we are making progress, I'll turn you into a truly useful son of a bitch eventually." I did as Felix instructed, I figured it was the quickest way back to my pints, and I was becoming more and more in need of a pint the longer I was around Felix. He has that affect on me. 

I reopened the envelope. The pictures had not improved with age. They showed a dead body, a dead body that I knew (in its alive state). A dead body that some people, the ones with limited imagination, and a desire to see me swinging none too gently at the end of rope would say that I would have, quite happily, made dead.  The "Man from the North" died hard, he died slow, and he died with someone wanting to prove a point, that was clear from the pictures. "Jesus tits" I said, "Felix why did you want me to see this? Sure I knew the bastard, sure I didn't like the bastard, but I certainly didn't kill the bastard." Felix glanced at the pictures I had left lying in front of me, "you didn't? That comes as a surprise to me GI, considering I have at least 4 solid, law abiding citizens of this glorious state that said they saw you arguing with the deceased, and threatening to make him just that, deceased as deceased can be. These solid, workers of the highest order will state with no doubt you seemed quite willing to carry out that threat."

"Felix, you are the most complete bastard I know, nothing ever surprises you. If it did, you would just have it shot. I didn't kill that son of a bitch, though I am certainly not going to be lead or any other type of mourner at his funeral. Sure I probably told him at some point that killing him would make my week, but that was also when I was drunk, so if you want to bully someone you should wait for me to get drunk, and bully drunk me. I am, at the moment, painfully sober, a fact you are well aware of, and are the main cause of, so maybe send me back to Sully's to get drunk enough to deal with your latest brand of insanity, or pour me a drink." To my absolute shock, Felix shrugged, opened a drawer and pulled out a bottle of very expensive whiskey. Whiskey that would be my brand if I made the kind of money to afford it more than once a year. 

"I know this would be your brand, if you ever decided to join the working class, and hold down a steady job long enough to afford it. So, drink up within reason, I need you tipsy, not drunk enough to consider remarrying your ex wife."  I whistled, "Felix I didn't know you cared. I am touched you keep a bottle just for me around. I don't know whether to be terrified or impressed, but I'll settle for a snort of it and let the whiskey decide. Felix grimaced at my poor joke, and poured me a full measure, and himself a half measure in two glasses produced from the same drawer. I resolved to discuss the fact that my informant (a pretty, little blond girl in his typist pool) had neglected to tell me that Felix drank. I had him pegged as a teetotaler. Taking the proffered glass, I held it up, titled it towards Felix and drank it down with a hearty "Skol!" I figured since we were discussing the Man from the North's death, Skol would be a fitting toast. 

Felix, not being the raging drunk I am, merely took a polite society type sip of his drink, and sat down his glass. "Here, one more for sake of comradeship." I laughed "I am a lot of things, Felix, most of them bad, but if I ever fall to the level of your comrade, I will know there is no hope for me. However, this is very good whiskey, so I'll drink to almost anything, the Pope, the return of the Queen, or to your health as long as you keep it coming." One snort later, I felt slightly better, not drunk enough to lose my head and admit to killing the Man from the North, but tipsy enough to make Felix think I might. 

"A full case of that, and I might kill the King of Spain for you Felix but since I'm more of a in theory type of killer, and you got a full roster of in practice type of killers, I guess I shall have to bid a sad farewell to the rest of this and any other bottles." Felix took another gentlemanly sip of his whiskey, and said "GI when you get around to looking in the blue envelope again and count the money it contains, you might realize you can purchase a bottle or two of this 'water of life' for yourself." I sighed, figuring that no more whiskey was coming my way, at least until I agreed to dance to Felix's tune. "Felix, if you're not going to get me drunk, then at least try to make this simple. How am I supposed to have killed the Man from the North, and what "proof" do you have that I did it?" Felix, being the bastard that he is, smiled (again Felix smiling is bad for GI, or anyone for that matter, how did he get his teeth so blinding perfect?) and said "I am glad you asked."

To be continued